This ‘Therapy Theme’ has been sticking around much longer than one week. If we’ve talked in the last couple weeks, chances are I’ve mentioned not to assume and over-communicate.
Whatever may be going on in the universe lately seems to be causing everyone to assume. When we assume, we tend to share our feelings & opinions more and ask questions less, causing us to communicate less.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying before; ‘When you assume, it makes an ‘ASS’ out of ‘U’ & ‘Me’.
This has been the case for so many people I’ve spoken with. They get stuck in a cycle of assuming and not communicating.
I hear that you are feeling stuck, frustrated and downright mad when others do not hear what you are saying. They are assuming they know what you mean, know your thoughts or know best about what you need. They tell you their opinion and end the conversation.
While you are not in control of what they say or do, you ARE in control of yourself and can prevent yourself from falling into this trap by trying, yourself, not to assume, but rather over-communicate. You can also set an example to those around you of not assuming and over-communicating.
What do I mean by over-communicating?
Tell them what you mean, as best you can in a direct, assertive, non-judgmental or critical way. And of course don’t assume they know what you are feeling or trying to say. Remember that assertiveness is not passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive.
Using ‘I’ statements is the best way to do this. Use the simple outline below to fill in the blanks about how you are feeling before you communicate. This can be a good launching point. After you make this statement, you can check in with them to see what they heard but saying, “What did you hear me say?” to clarify your message. You can also continue to communicate to make sure they fully understand your thoughts and feelings.
I feel ____ when ____ because ____ and I need/want ____
Feelings holding you back from over-communicating?
You can use Balance (Grounding Blend) to help you feel grounded and present. Wild Orange can be great for any anxious anticipation. You can even use Neroli or Magnolia for calming sedation. Also try Brave (Courage Blend) in the Kid’s Kit to give you additional courage to express yourself verbally.